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No Ho ho!

2007-12-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

I joined the santa claus hate club.
But for a different reason than Pepsi Cola's.
Pepsi just couldn't hire Santa Claus to do a commercial for them. Not for all the hidden treasure in the Pacific.
You see Santa is white and red
And so is Coke
And so is Usmanov
and Arsenal...
Anyway, before Pepsi could think of and ad with the grey haired trump in it they realized santa was coke, from the North pole wardrobe to the post cards littering America.
So they just had to chill and wait for a baby to be born to a one Joseph Jackson for whom they would propose a TV ad featuring his face in Pupae stage.

Before MJ signed for Pepsi (he had just recorded Thriller), he asked that they show a close up shot of his face for only two seconds. Am glad they used it while it was still fresh. If they saw it now, they will think he took his MIB2 role seriously.

This was supposed to be about Santa Claus, no?

Sir Alex Ferguson once dressed as Santa and was asked by this kid at a grocery store to deliver the premiership trophy to Aston Villa. My friend W likes to lick dog ears (of books) so he won't get that one.

"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."" - Robin Williams

Conspiracy Theorist

2007-12-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

Am back from Rehab.
Rehab is good. It makes you think.
It doesn't matter if you come out feeling like Malcolm X, with Muhammed on your lips and all, or like umm... Britney Hilton, where you are dumberer than before. At least your mind was off cocaine, women and money and doing much more constructive work.

Look at Tupac Shakur. Prison led him to Macciavelli, Frederick Williams and poetry.

Look at me. Rehabilitated in an endless whirlpool of Red Bull and late work nights with Indian girls who have to say it twice so I can understand. And what happened to my mind?
I began to think about Ebola.
You guys think this ailment is from eating dead chimps. I think not. Do you remember when Al Qaeda promised to hit Kampala for hitting Somalia. Doesn't 1 + 1 = 2?
You might want to know how I git the 2 ofcourse which is only natural for Britney and Paris.
Al kayeda are schooled in bioligal warfare. and Ebola is the kind of thing they had hoped to get the queen to swallow. Unfortunately their agent was arrested and detained at entebbe airport.
Unfortunate. Because the Hiltons that arrested him didn't reckon he would breath or cough in their faces.
The virus got onto one guy's respiratory system and when he stepped into that Beema, so did the entire crew.
Multiplication occurs faster in cold temperatures. So air conditioned state banquets helped pass the damn thing around. Soon you will hear more vice presidents and premiers reading the state of the nation address in English.

Gotta go. I be missing you all. how have you been?

(They don know) Who I be

2007-11-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

No8 (a)
If I = Kwesiga = trust,
What is the definition of I?

I = riding a boda bee that is speeding down Jinja Rd and straight thru the traffic lights at 90Kph, eyes closed and enjoying the moment, asking no questions.

I = eating from that famous pitch dark restaurant in Germany where waiters serve you with the help of night vision goggles, while you feel your way around a plate full of blind stuff.

I = bungee jumping backwards with a cat clawed to your tummy, hoping it won't freak out/off.

I = getting a microfinance loan that promises 1% interest rate from a MFinance dealer who sounds like Yakubu Ayegbeni

I = having a man like me whose work exposes him to 4 models a day, and knowing him to remain faithful.

Nkooye Agayaaye

2007-11-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

A long while ago, in a galaxy far far away... No. A while back, after benching successfully in Ntinda, I hopped onto a taxi (kicking dust at all the Mitsubishi suitors I had beaten to her attention) and joined 7 others on a journey to Uganda’s Capital city. We were on Kira road which was fine because I had planned to drop by Wandegeya to see my barber.

Just around Kabira Country Club, an old man (above 65 I thought) motioned to the conductor to stop at Bukoto stage. In his left hand was a 50k note. He was paying for a 300shs trip. The conductor politely (either out of respect or benign exasperation) told the mzee that he had no change for 50k, but if he was patient, they would get change from the next stage at Kamwokya or even nearer at Bukoto Shell Petrol Station.

“No, I want my money, 49,700Shs,” Mzee demanded. The conductor politely but firmly declined and maintained his request that the old man waits until they find change at a nearby stage or petrol station. The old man’s agitation began to show. Foaming at the mouth, the old man demanded to leave the taxi. Bukoto was his stage. So why was he being driven further down road, he inquired. The police would hear of this if he wasn’t paid. Pleas from us to help pay his fares fell on deaf ears. He was allowed leave.“These taxi guys are thieves and cheats, bayaaye. I will tell the police of this,” Mzee warned shaking his finger at the conductor, before turning on his heel and heading towards Kira road Police Station, 300 metres away.

The taxi drove on and turned into Shell Bukoto where the driver happened to know one of the pump attendants. Luckily, they got change, bought some fuel and then drove on to Kira road station, aware of Mzee’s intentions.The taxi arrived faster (of course) and the driver and conductor, with apologies to a few of us, proceeded to the police station to iron out their issues with the old man. They reported to the officer in charge that there was a mzee who intended to open a case with them regarding change but they have come to report and leave the money with the police if possible.

10 minutes later, the mzee arrived. “Aaaahaaa!! Here are the thieves, officer. I gave them 50,000 Ushs and they refused to return my balance,” the Mzee cried out.It was the officer’s turn to cry out,“Wait wait wait, old man. These men say they received 5,000Ushs from you and you refused to wait for change. Now you are here asking for 50,000shs. No no no, Mzee.”

So how did you end the whole thing, I asked the conductor after 20 minutes. Well, the Mzee realised that all odds were heavily stacked against him. He couldn’t even claim the 4,700shs because it would make him look like a liar and a cheat, a muyaaye in the eyes of the Policeman. So he apologised after an initial hot argument and walked home to avoid attracting unnecessary attention at the station. He baptised us thieves, cheats and bayaayes. We baptised him munakampala.

Phew!!!!!

2007-11-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

She taught me about Randomsies so here we go.
1. Work was mayhem last week. Deadlines that make me feel cholestrophobic, or is it claustrophobic?
2. I was supposed to arrange a photo shoot that had animals in it. Thing is animals don't speak english. so we had to work with them not the other way round.
3. Roamed the city looking for rastafarians to cast. When you don't need them they are there, when you do, ... the circle of life.
4. After getting my rastamen, I attended a highlife social event, one that has been billed to become the biggest social event in Uganda, come 2008, BHH (get sponsorship Rev).
5. Friday had one of the mayhemest photoshoots of my life, and it was not even the animals. It was the scene that has chics in Gomesi. I didn't know it takes two hours to wear a gomesi. I wonder how long it takes to take it off. Husbands beware.
6. Saturday: I was looking for an extra LARGE XXL Fish, not the kind white folks be trippin over themselves for. The kind black folks be pawning. extra large tilapia on a plate. Failed to find one, so I ate a medium sized one @ KK Beach then headed to pick my PAM tickets.
7. Picked my PAM tickets, rushed to Rock Gardens to watch Arsenal Vs Manutd. Wilbur and I paid for the game and two sodas, I drank a coke and sprayed the Stoney Tangawizi (like Kimi Raikonnen) when we equalized at the death, drenching Arsenal and Manutd fans alike.
8. Rushed home to dress for the Awards show. At the VIP entrance, Timothy Bukumunhe asked us for our tickets and key rings:

Me to Wilbur: Obviously we have never been in "Hearve you had?"

It was fun but VIP folks need to style up. How can you watch Abakazi Balumya, sitting prim and proper like you never jumped gates to go clubbin?
9. Sunday, I jumped the last photoshoot to attend to serious church business. Wilbur, thanks man. Then missus picked Fair Game and I picked Take the Lead from Tanrose Video Lib in Wandegeya. I then learnt that it is easy to dance salsa. All activity came to a rest at 10.20pm when I, after escorting her to a stage, made a long visit to slumberland.

Boda boda + Plato + John the Baptist = Some serious stuff

2007-10-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

I jumped onto a Boda bee to Kasambya three days ago. Kasambya, not Nsambya, in Nakulabye. The usual pleasantires exchanged, we proceeded on our journey in silence till we reached MUK Main gate. Conversation has been translated from Luganda to Kingeleeza.

" Look at her," says he of the TVS, pointing at her with the bellydancer outfit carrying textbooks.
"You think she came to study?"
"Nope" I quip. Not new to me so take me home sebbo.
"We are all animals," he adds.
"Yup," Introduction to biology said so, remem... oh!
"The Cock does not need to ask if he should get down with the hen. He just does it. Neither does the goat, see?"
"Aha?"
"We on the other hand are worse than these animals. We date our children, sleep with our grandfathers, we are so immoral we need to burn hard."
I shift in my kameeme
"Animals don't do any of that. They live and roam naked but you won't find a bull brushing with a calf, brushinnnng."
"The difference between us and animals is...
We are shameable. Tulina ensonyi"

"We are ashamed, not of our actions but the consequences of our actions. In other words, if we could annihilate the laws that keep us human, we would be bestial. Look around us, we have laws everywhere. It's as if we live in an electric maze where touching a wall can torch you. The Ten Commandments, The constitution of the Republic of Uganda, Manuals, decrees, directions."

We arrived at Kasambya. I refused to alight.

"We need God. Only a higher being can set us in the right direction. not UPDF or CHOGM. We need God. May his grace shine on us all."

Amen.

The Most Five. Vol 1

2007-10-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Opinion polls on the best five are normally boring. They centre around the same things... movies, music, leaders, athletes (or athleteese). So I decided to write my personal polls and I will call them the most five.
Introducing category number one:

The 5 most annoying Traffic Jams of all time.

5. Steers nonstop to Shoprite via Entebbe Rd... 2006
I watched a snail climb the Goodyear tyre of this huge army truck beside us. I bet 5000 Ushs to Wilbur that the snail would get off rubber before we would get off our rumps. Two hours later, we were at Ben Kiwanuka junction and I was 5k richer and too nonplussed.

4. Bombo Road meets Kira Road... 2007
For every driver that insisted on staying in their car early this year when a eucalyptus tree fell across Bombo road, Kubiri, Wandegeya, Shame on y’all! I walked from Mulago west to Wandegeya in 20 minutes. And you guys were stuck for two hours, like cud in the rumen.

3. Bombo road classic... 2004
The question I asked myself, as I always do when I hit a dead end was, “what the fuss?” From Sabrina’s pub to Wandegeya was like the London Marathon for vehicles. So I walked. When I got to the traffic lights at Wandegeya, it got soo bad, somebody made one of the most classic inquiries I have ever heard.
“Does traffic jam also refer to humans?”

2. Something happened on the way to Kampala... 2005
I was heading from Luzira, Graphic Systems. Starting from the current Shell junction opposite Kobil, on the Ol Portbell Rd, Mbuya junction. It was so ludacris. I asked the conductor, “What? Did the meteor hit Bugolobi?” No. Every main road and access road was blocked for more than two hours. I didn’t stay long enough to see if it would make the third hour. I jumped out and worked through a mingle of steel and tyres that reminded me of the movie Deep Impact. From Mbuya I found that there was no jam at Kaga House Bugolobi. Traffic honey had gripped drivers over only 500 meters. Insane. I need Houdini’s mobile.

1. Martyr’s day Namugongo 2001
I lived in Namugongo then, Kyaliwajjala to be exact. So I was heading home at 3.30pm and missed the whole prayers and celebration thing because Catholic I ain’t. My smart ass driver used Ntinda – Namugongo route which was one way.
I drank three mineral water bottles owing to the sweltering heat, unbuttoned my shirt, feet got so hot they cooked, I made three new friends in the taxi (I wonder where they are now) and reached home at 7.30PM. I am ashamed about it because I didn’t have the greys to walk home. Anyway I was twenty-two. So no excuses.

Seven goal thriller????

2007-10-24T04:40:00.000-07:00

Whatever Man Utd can do, the Arsenal can do better. 7 goals came flying into the Saliva Bucharest goal. And all I can remember is that keeper spitting some slavia of his own in disgust.

Theo Walcott (2), Fabregas (2), Hleb(1) and Bendtner (1), throwing in an own goal for good measure.

And unlike the mancs, we kept a clean sheet. I am so bored of these wins I need a serious challenge, and I hope Liverpool gives us one. Thierry must be wondering why these goals never came when he was captain.

Am still trying to finish some work and setting up a new series of favs. They should be up one of these days.
Welcome back Mr. and Mrs. Barrrrrnabus Mugabi!!!!!! You deserve a whole day's visit and when am done with these stupid stress fuelled promos (actually they pay me so they aren't so stupid) I will pop in and see y'all. May the Good Lord fill that home with lot's of happiness, nappies and Tots, big, bouncing, happy tots.
As for the guy who tried to steal my phone, I know you. And if you are literate in Web English, http//:wwwiwillsmokeyouout.com

He's back!!!!

2007-10-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

There's no way of describing this.

Am still busy but, ... way to go man!!!

Very busy but...

2007-10-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

When dating is rocket science...

2007-10-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

SAVE THE GAME:

We need brothers to have as much game as the three year old above. Here are some horrible examples:

Dud1 (Outside church): Hi, I have been watching you from afar and to tell you the truth, you are stumbling the brothers.

Dud2: (At campus): So, can we meet and I do your coursework or something?

Dud3 (At work): I was wondering if you don't mind working over time with me. It's O.K. nobody will see us.

Dud2 (At campus, after two hours with the babe in his room and she stands to leave): Umm, Can we meet tomorrow morning and talk abit more.

Dud 1: Just like Jacob worked seven years, I want to work for your heart.

Dud 2: Hey baby, nice ass!

Dud3: I love you. Shit am sorry for that. Was I hard?

Dud4 (At party): So, is that your father over there?

Dud 4 (At party): I see you have your mother's beautiful looks

Please send me any stupid lines that have been used on y'all.

It is called: Operation Save the Game.

Quentin Tarantino pops another tot...

2007-10-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

"Quentin, baby"

"Yes mama."

"Why don't you try doing a drama. A ladies' drama for your maammmyyy. Make me proud this time."

"But mama, the Weinsteins won't fund it."

"Oh, nonsense. You don't need a million bucks to do a story on three or four girls having boyfriend trouble. Your ATM account can fund that. Do it for me."

"O.K. mom"

Then QT called the Weinstein brothers and said: Guys, I've got a movie for you.

"It's high time. We were still living on Kill Bill leftovers. What's the movie called?"

"Death Proof."

Watching Death Proof is something. The title is violent enough. So in the first scene, when you see a pair of legs belonging to the lovely Jungle Julia, you think she might be as violent as Urma was in Kill Bill, a beauty with poison hidden under those calves.

Then the movie delves into girl-talk. If that is what girls talk about in real life then I think we are hanging with the wrong species. We need to make our own to hang out with.

Tarantino shows us gals going yap yap yap, duh duh duh. Four dumb blondes who just buy weed and go to the bars and scream everytime they see a Jungle Julia Billboard.

Boring huh? No. The fact that Tarantino is a master of violence, you know there is something cooking behind that long nose and wide forehead of his. So you just wait (mberenge and coke) to see what it is.

When the violence finally happens, its shocking!!! But then again, nothing shocks me about Tarantino since that eye squashed between toes scene in Kill Bill. Mr. nice guy Kurt Russel stars in this one, and he is the only well known star in it. The eight women are complete new comers except for a one Zoe Bell, a stunt woman who does things on a car bonnet with the speed at 100mph and rising, without strings holding her back.

She and smart mouth Kim make the dialogue interesting. It's worth a watch. My rating is 4 stars.

update:

Lil' man keeps putting me down.

2007-10-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have a little man, you know, like in the movie lil' man. This one lives in complete splendour; I work for him, I shop for him. I feed him, I drive him around. Dress him, bathe him (yugghhh!!!), Clean up after him, preach to him. tuck him in...

All he has to do is jus' sit there... and talk.

I have become who I am because of his talk. As in I learnt-

No actually you have become who you are because of my advice.

That's him. The one with text in italics, interrupting my train of thought. He keeps putting me down, interrupting my thoughts with many other irrelevancies. I hope I can successfully finish this blog. And so it was that I had a project I had to complete, a 52 page magazine that was supposed to be the bomb.

The bomb? Huh please. I make you the bomb.

Don' ... I will ground you! Am posting a blog for pete's sake and this is a web cafe, It costs money!!!

Who's pete? who's pete? who's pete? Pete... Petra. Pete and Petra... Nice...

Anyway, sucks. I have to write briefer stuff. I was supposed to complete this funky magazine but you see Lil' man kept telling me I would never deliver on time - that I didn't have the dimes to deliver all those many magazines without a client's deposit.

True dat. True dat. Get me bodied, get me bodied, get me -

Sucks!!!! no! Not that song! You had to sing it 'cause you knew I hated it.

True dat. How's your second girlfriend? Are you sure your fiance knows...

... anyway, I was saying Lil Man kept discouraging me saying I won't make it. But he didn't reckon with my after-shower attitude.

Yeah... Blah blah blah. After shower, after shave, what's the difference...

Everytime I take a shower I become a new man. I be like born again and stuff. That's twice a day, thank you ma'am. So this time I did my Kirk Franklin in the shower and my my my... it was a lovely day.

Yeah except you forget that I don't feel that shower stuff anymore, hehehe

Am afraid he's right. I need to find a new remedy because he is affecting my performance lately. A remedy like wearing headphones and drowning all his rant-

Wow!!! nice legs!! Did you see her big man? Superman? Alpha Male?

Sorry lil man. I have one girlfriend. Besides, (looking around) her legs ain't all that.

Eh shoops, I made you look! You were made outta page in my rhyme book

Shutttup!!!!!

Make me.

I will ground you!!

How? In the attic in the upper left cortex of your brain? You know tha's where I thrive..

God!!! I need someth' from the book of Psalms.

Has it ever occurred to you that I made you?

Nonsense.

True. Without me how could you ever design the PAM Magazine, or produced those instrumentals in the basement three years ago, or started this blog. I am your creative engine, your Fabregas, Mozart, Steven Spielberg. I made you. You think you have a sense of humour? Ha! When I go to sleep you can hardly post a comma on your blog. Didn't I give you beef for your Ferguson Consults Wenger post, Goosy Gander, and Sweet Home Bandex?

Huh?

Mbu you feed me and drive me. Now you must pay me!!!!

Sweet home Kyebando

2007-10-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

When the sun shines in kyebando, (the Gs here call it Bandex. I wonder where that leaves Banda), sorry.am... When the sun shines in Kyebando, the tropical monsoon sends a light brown curtain of flour called dust which settles everywhere. And I mean everywhere, Utensils, doorknobs, dog ears, sink, bathroom, bedroom, DVD player and DVD (my neighbour's by the way. Iam using a new thing called DRD and even google doesn'tknow it.), everywhere and anywhere.

So back in sunny June, I used to buy my cake and eat it too, lest we have a semblance of savannah chocolate dust settling on my brownies... It was a pathetic, urgent era - something of a cross between Alabama and Timbuktu. You dust the whole sitting room until you find the TV.

So am afraid I have to start shopping for a home again which is a shame because I had started to love the place. These days it rains so hard, we need to buy snow shoes and see if they just might work in the mud. A lovely home all the same,although I must admit,no map writer will ever direct visitors to my place. Hence all celebrations are taken to more convenient places like Jaja Asinansi and La Fontaine (diverse eh? well I hang out with Cops and robbers).

I have not blogged regularly eversince leaving the splendour of working at Workers House and getting 2MB/sec speed. My ISP of old,which is Makerere, is yet to pay her bills.

But am back and ciao.

5 REASONS WHY GUNNERS ARE THE MOST ELIGIBLE

2007-09-28T01:03:00.000-07:00

1. They are the richest in Britain and the second richest in Europe,
2. They are top of their league,
3. Know all about love (watch the huddle in every game)
4. They are the youngest top flight team (without using diapers and nannies)
5. They are just beginning their rise to success.

What woman wouldn't want that? Mine may not, and thats why I can afford to be a broke gooner.

Yesterday on one of the local luganda radio stations, a guest on a talkshow was explaining the need for people to get involved in sports:

"We have all kinds of games, football, tennis, swimming, golf course..."

I need to get involved in that last one 'cause I think that is where Tiger may struggle.

Later.

Ferguson consults Wenger

2007-09-27T03:56:00.000-07:00

Fergie : Carlos, I need to call Arsene... and while you are at it, get me another pair of gums.

Queiroz: But it's not match day yet...

Fergie (agitated): I know I know, I just heard Allardyce starts chewing on match day, I may as well start the day before.

Queiroz: Is it about the Carling game?

Fergie (grabs phone): Yeah... I just figured our boys can take down Coventry but I need to ask him something...

Queiroz: About tactics? You know we can't do that! Even if we did, he would laugh and remind us of games where we gave tips to his opponents...

Fergie (dials): It's not tactics... well whatever... Hello?

Wenger: Oui?

Fergie: It's me...

Wenger: If it's about your 20th anniversary message, it's really late now...

Fergie: Ha ha ha no. That was last year, I think. It's about the Champs league proposal that Michel's planning.

Wenger: Aha, yeah. Kind of odd isn't it, that we should be cut down to two places, was it two?

Fergie: Something like that ... but-

Wenger: You are not having second thoughts are you?

Fergie: No

Wenger: Then what... aaah let me guess, you want tips on winning the carling game with kids.

Fergie (silence)

Wenger: It's O.K. I won't crucify you for Sheffield last season. What do you want to know?

Fergie: Everything there is to know.

Wenger: Hmmm... Do you have three creative midfielders?

Fergie: What the - What for? Did you use them against Sammy?

Wenger: Yes, Diaby, Denilson and Diarra. The 3D effect, or third dimension if you like (chuckles).

Fergie: But I thought those are defensive 3Ds!

Wenger: You might want another think.

Fergie: OK So I get three creative midfielders...

Wenger: You get??? The transfer window is closed, Alex.

Fergie: Am I supposed to laugh?

Wenger: Non. I am. Hahahaha...

Chariot ride and the manc kids

2007-09-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

This morning was one of those where you planned to grab a taxi and got a chariot instead. It was like back in the pyramid days, you know... like where Moses the Egyptian prince wore mascara and knocked out an army general with a horse shoe.

Anyway, the chariot cost me 1,000shs and then decided that tarmac was an allergy and romped through the eroded gulleys of Doctor's village. The horse behind the steering wheel told me it was because of the graduation at Makerere University. I now wonder if I should get a graduation for myself too, and how much it would cost. Far more costly is the massage I need on Thursday morning. Ha! massage ... Thursday morn.

Then I get to work and they tell me Ferguson figured, if Wenger's second team kids could beat 'castle, then sure surely his kids could beat Coventry.

KaBooing!!!!!!

Lesson for today: Just because I use adidas deo spray and smell cool in it don't mean You will.

If I were a mother...

2007-09-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

If I were a mother, my babies would have died of malnutrition. They would have cried their lungs out, and then resigned in despair because, I the mom was very busy working hard, so that rent could be paid, a Client would be pleased, my PC would be upgraded, anything but nurture.

At the funeral, I would stare at the coffins in a daze and ask myself when it all came to this... I fell in love and made love to blogspot, gave birth to "Talk to me... "and in four months I couldn't get myself to talk to me. On the other hand I can blame ISPs and work deadlines, or better still put all the blame on evening classes and friends night out, eyeing the girl at the next desk, anything. I have been so efficient I even don't know how to make excuses anymore.

Luckily, it is a baby that lives on lifesaver. So I can resume breast feeding. Since I am unlike the Bigmommas of this world, I willmake do with the bottle.

Soorry for ignoring you baby, but am back and i will post as often as i can.

mwa. a peck will do. i can't afford to kiss you under the circumstances - you are shrivelled.

VERY BUSY

2007-06-19T06:29:00.000-07:00

I am busy with my final exams. So I can't be as blonctual as I should. I will be done by 21st and I promise to become a regular.

PS. Don't look up the word blonctual.

It doesn't exist.

Inauguration

2007-06-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

5.50PM, 14th June 2007, Talk to me is born.

Just like any baby, this mother does not know whether this blog will become a world leader in bloggology, or a bloggerstar at the Bloggers - our equivalent of the Grammies.

Why did I start this blog? Well I needed to channel writing energies to something more interesting than ousting Sidney Sheldon and that Rawling babe from the New York Times best sellers. Besides Sheldon, Grisham and co. need the money - I don't.

"So he had no purpose" you say.

Well... possible. If I can start a blog as smart as this and make it a success then you need to pay me to tell you how to earn money from purposeless ventures. In the mean time, I have to make it a success.

I am no academic. I never wanted to be. I am a human being with better things to do in my life. But don't let my unborn son know I said this.